Believing: Who believes in me? Who trusts in me? Anybody?

Sometimes I don't know where I should go - what to do next. Sometimes I feel alone. Why cannot anybody show me the right way?

Can somebody please show me the return button of life? Somehow I would like to skip my current life and return to the beginning. Maybe I would do some things again, but maybe I would change something.

Somehow I lost my priorities. Somehow I don't know what is importand and what isn't. Somehow I lost myself.
Is a passed exam important? Friendship? Realtionship? Education? Joy? Fun? Tomorrow could change everything. What should I do today if there wouldn't be a tomorrow? Should I learn? Should I go out and enjoy the nature? Feel the world? Meet some friends? What?

There will be tomorrow. There will be tomorrow almost always. Why should I take time to do joyfull things? Why should I wait until tomorrow? Why shouldn't I wait?

Will be tomorrow the same if we take our time to do useful things or would it change if we waste it with hanging around? What if we change? What is if the world around us changed? Will we ever notice?

It is a strange feeling. Some time ago I've got fears. Now there are only empty feelings. My head is empty.

Tomorrow is a different day. (I'm not ready.)

(Written today 01:17 am)

When I am with you everything feels so right. I am so lucky with you. When we're together it feels like the time's standing still. It feels so good to lie in your arms. Your skin is so tenderly and your lips so softly.

But now I miss you totally. I feel a little bit alone. In my dreams I am with you.

The only thing I ever wanted was to find a girl like you. The only thing I want now, is to hold you in my arms and protect us from the things beside us. The important thing is that I love you and I'll never let you go. I love you so much. Please trust me and have got trust in us. We can make everything possible. We can hold us together. We can love us.

Kiss.

trust / truth / honesty / to be understood
time
eduction / love / freedom / knowledge
social contacts / joy / fun
the sun in your heart / positive feelings and emotions

This list isn't sorted in any order. I had only another try to list some of the really important things for me, but I also know that I did it several times in the past.

Yesterday and today I thought a lot of importance. What is important to us? Sure the realistic people could answer: oxygen, food, drings, ..., society, nature, ... work, money - maybe a relationship, a house/flat, childrens. What else could be important? Joy, fun, friends, parties, music, books, movies, entertainment...

I believe the list could be infinite. But what is really important to me? There are a few things I guess: friendship, love, help, freedom (maybe this list could become infinite, too, if I thought longer about it). So if I think of my life like the sum of my important things every thing there is as important as the other ones. But what will happen if suddenly one becomes more important than the others? Are the others then really less important?

If you have got fun in doing something or if you feel that something is right (in a special moment) why shouldn't you do this just because you think it could get too import while doing this? Sure there could be fear about the importance of something. But it's a pitty if there are only fears in the end and no joy, no fun, no other important things.

I still don't believe that my life is only the sum of things. There are still emotions, feelings, dreams and much more. I think everything is important but sure every importance can differ in priority.
It's always important to see the people behind those facts. They have got lives, too, maybe different point of views and different hopes and fears but you should respect their opinions nevertheless.

Don't let fear control our lives.

Sometimes there is fear - there is anger - there is hope - there is optimism - there is disappointment - there are wishes, there are dreams - there is reality.

Our life includes such situations, such feelings, such... ways of thinking. But isn't there more? Isn't it worth to live for more? For more positive feelings, for more positive situations, for more.... more life! More fun. More joy. More time where we can be happy together. More sunny days.

Yes, I believe that it is worth to live for that. But there are still the negative emotions - there is still fear. You shouldn't let fear be the central point of your life. Those situations where you have got fear for are those situations that will definitly happen when you let fear control your life.

There is only one way where everything will go to if you let fear control you - into nothing. Into the end. Into death. ...

Sometimes I've got the wish to know what currently happens everywhere else. I know that this is impossible. And I know that this is not necessary. Because, simply, you cannot stop the time. You cannot stop the inevitability.

You cannot change the past. And sometimes you even cannot change the present. All what you need is trust. Trust in yourself, trust in the time,..., trust in everybody else.

Sometimes it's hard to trust in time. You don't know where you'll go, but you know where you come from. There will be hope sometimes, but there will be much more fear the other times. You have to live with that...

These days I thought a little bit about the meaning of life. Are we only here to be the best? To be prosper? To have got success?
What do we need there for? How do you judge me? What do you need there for? Are only my results important to judge me?

I think there is much more. I've done a lot of work at the same time I should have done some other important things. Okay, that's my problem -- but am I a worse guy - only because those facts?
I know that a lot of things went some how wrong in the last months, but I cannot change the past (I know that's obviously).

I am not that kind of human beeing that only works for himself/herself. Almost always I try to help some parts of the society or some other projects or ... what ever you call them.
I also know that sometimes I lose a lot of time while relaxing or only sitting there and think about my life. But those actions are also important for human beeins, I believe.

I know that I have to live with my decissions, with my failures, with my actions -- but I also know that I have to do some things right, to pass them.
I am only as good as people judge me. Not my results are important, but the work I've done beside the work I was supposed to do. I hope somebody will notice that, and that at sometime people will care about those facts also.

Have also a look at xkcd 230 about this topic. :-)

Long time ago I wasn't sure about how to write these lines. What should I tell the world about my luck? What should I write at all?
But now I think it's enough to tell you that I've booted Life 2.0 and that I've found a wonderful girlfriend.
I'm really happy now. :-)

To be honest, yesterday I thought of how to write this last entry for the year 2006. I could write a summary of the 175 blog entries since the 13th January, where I started to write blog entries. I could also summarize my personal favorites of the year 2006 or describe my year - my projects, my highlights and my milestones.

But I don't know if anyone of you could ever be interested in such an entry. So I think I should be prepared with new stories, new things and new information for the year 2007.

I also want to thank all people which touch me or my soul in this year, which help me out in every situation of life, which give me technical advices and which are there for me.

Happy new year! And let 2007 be YOUR year!

How much truth is good for a human beeing? How much truth is good for you and me?

I miss you. - how many times should I tell you this until you believe me? And how many times does it take until you think I'm telling you the truth?
But what is the truth? The sentence itself? I don't think so. The truth is the feeling I have got while telling you Hey! I'm still missing you!.
But do we like the naked truth? I don't know.

I think the truth can hurt us as long as we have got emotions/feelings with it. I think some sentences I cannot say as often as I would like to say: I like you very much and I don't want to lose you.

But at some point I should only shut up and keep waiting. I know you are worth it.

Hello everybody out there. Some minutes ago my last lecture this year finished. So university is out for two weeks and I have got some free time to relax, to do some personal projects and read some books about the topics we have got at university now.

Furthermore there will be christmas in three days and I'll try to enjoy this time together with my family and my friends. I hope you will have got a lot of fun with the last days in this year and be prosper.

I wish you all the best and a very good start into the year 2007!

Today I feel like I should change something the web know about me...
I cancel using the following sites:

• harzflirt.de
• harzlove.flirtcenter.net
• aooa.de

Furthermore I skip using the keyword Single on some sites... please don't ask why I do so. I think it's the best way.

Yesterday I went after meal together with MuFFin into the BC Cafe. It was a nice atmosphere. There weren't too many people, there were candles and the places where you can sit on very were soft and awesome.

I had got a hot chocolate and MuFFin a coffee. Short time later our Captain joins us and we had got a little discussion about everything and how the whole world works. :-)

It was very good and the right place simply to relax and cool down - think about everything but the girls - and enjoy your life. The music they played was something like Trance or ...

Enjoy your day and have a lot of fun!

It was a wonderful night. I was with Astrid in the bc club and they played there minimalist music - very electronic. The sound was nice and the vibes minimal.

But there was some space for a conversation, too. The places where you could sit on were very cool and fit my best imaginations.

I only want to thank Astrid for that great evening. Thanks that you are there for me all the time... I like you very much.